This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
