Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
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You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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