What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
