I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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