I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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