My sheets look like a crime scene.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
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We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
sex in a hospital.. check
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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