My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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