they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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