You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
