first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
