so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
