you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
