One girl and one boy is just not enough.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
