I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
