her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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