Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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