just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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