So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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