His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
