dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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