So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
