My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
