I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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