You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
