you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
