I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
