So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
