i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
