I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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