Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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