my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize