Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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