The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
