Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
