So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
