Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize