Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
