I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if only i could text you this smell
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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