we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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