he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
