put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
