I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
