im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She announced her abortion via fbk
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
