Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
