Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
