Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
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you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
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If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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