Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
