i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
