I hate your face
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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