the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think a kid would responsible me up
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Randomize
