he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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