i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
