its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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