I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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