I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
