Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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