Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
