tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
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