I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
You smell like stripper and shame
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
