No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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